It was fall of 2006. I had been attending S-Anon meetings for a few months, but had not yet begun to write out the steps. I was starting to absorb some ideas about what healthy and unhealthy behaviors in me looked like. For example, I heard at meetings that checking on the sexaholic was injurious to me and created turmoil in my daily living. (My home group refers to it as “pain-shopping.”) I also knew that focusing on my own behaviors, feelings, and motivations was helpful. Focusing/obsessing about the sexaholic in my life was not helpful and could be harmful (to me.) Trying to fix myself and change my own faulty thinking was helpful and trying to fix/change and control my husband and others was crazy-making.
Although I was on the right path, and hearing and reading about all kinds of good recovery ideas, there were some practical lessons to be learned along the way. My behaviors hadn’t begun to change yet. I thought that checking on the behavior of others, and knowing what they were doing would keep me safe. “Progress, not perfection.” (I do so love the slogans of this program–they are very affirming.) I believed in my heart that the program was going to help me, yet I hadn’t discovered that S-Anon and the ensuing Step-work was going to change my life in ways that I never dreamed possible.