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One way that I can be personally self-supporting is to stop my self-defeating behaviors. When I first came to S-Anon, I did not recognize that expecting my spouse to read my mind and take care of me was self-defeating. I thought I could read her mind, and my well-being was dependent on how she was doing. If she was happy, I was happy; if she was angry, I was angry.
Slowly I began to release my grip on my sexaholic spouse. I realized that I was enmeshed with her. Through working the program, I began to see myself as an individual, both separate and significant. I began to consider how I could meet my own needs. Now, I don’t depend on others to make me happy. I can take responsibility, one day at a time, for meeting my needs–spiritually, emotionally, socially, and physically. I can be proactive in improving my conscious contact with God. I don’t have to wait for someone to go with me to pursue my spiritual growth. I can do things for myself and by myself as well as with others. At times my spouse and I do things together, but my ability to enjoy myself now is not contingent upon my being part of a couple. I am grateful for my progress.
Reprinted from S-Anon Twelve Traditions, page 95.