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In a stormy period before recovery, my sexaholic husband and I attempted to take dance lessons. After three sessions we stopped speaking to one another. That was the end of dance lessons. We did what we often did back then – quit rather than work through the problem.
A few years into recovery, we found ourselves at a restaurant that had dancing. Our relationship was in a good place and we decided to dance. We laughed because we had forgotten everything we had learned in those few lessons years before. We were not a pretty sight, but the difference between what we were like before recovery and what we were like after just a few years in our respective programs was striking. We actually had a good time!
Now it is years later, and soon we will be taking a cruise to celebrate our twentieth wedding anniversary. There will be dancing, so I dared to suggest that we take a few lessons before going. My husband agreed and admitted he was nervous because of our previous dance lessons. I shared with him my awareness that I was the one who had caused a great deal of the problem in those first lessons. I had been so focused on how he was doing and trying to lead him, that I had made cooperation difficult.
Today I am aware that I no longer need to be in control. I can follow a lead.
Reprinted from Working the S-Anon Program, 2nd Edition, page 22.