When I first began working the Steps, I struggled with several key concepts, including powerlessness, my Higher Power, and surrender. I reasoned that I have certain talents, abilities, and skills. Obviously I was intended to use these and have “power” over some things. Why was I supposed to surrender everything to my Higher Power? This confusion led to my initial interpretation of Steps One, Two, and Three, and I was left feeling small with shame. I did not want to admit my needs or ask for help from a Higher Power whom I believed loved me based on my performance. My performance was not very impressive.
Later, I realized that admitting my powerlessness did not mean that I was helpless. Rather, powerless meant that I was the recipient of gifts that my Higher Power wanted me to use to the fullest. Surrendering my will and my life to my Higher Power has resulted in wonderful and unexpected outcomes that I alone could not have caused.
I understand now that part of my spiritual growth involves surrendering not only my fears, shortcomings, and lack of faith, but also how I use my talents, skills, and abilities. My Higher Power unconditionally loves me and is able to miraculously transform everything I surrender into more opportunities for progress for me and my fellows.
Reprinted from S-Anon’s Reflections of Hope, page 21.