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In Step Seven, I struggled with humility. I used to think that either I had to be the best or I was the absolute worst. In my relationship with my sexaholic partner, I always thought of myself as having authority because I believed I was stronger, more capable, righteous, and the responsible one – I was at the top of the ladder so I didn’t need to be humble. Humility was for my sexaholic partner – somewhere down toward the bottom of the ladder.
As I began to work the Steps, I was able to look at my own shortcomings, such as perfectionism, self-righteousness, pride, and even arrogance. Over time I have learned to accept these shortcomings as part of my humanity, part of what makes me no better and no worse than anyone else.
By accepting the reality of my defects of character, as shown to me through my Fourth and Fifth Steps, I have experienced genuine humility. Since accepting my strengths as well as my limitations, I have become a better companion, co-worker, and friend. I am a more compassionate person, willing to help out and be part of a greater whole. I understand now that all of us move up and down the ladder, taking our turn on the various “rungs of life.” In S-Anon, we give each other a hand as we move through wherever we are at the time. I am beginning to practice the spiritual principles. I am learning about humility in my relationship with my husband. Today I am a trusted servant.
Reprinted from S-Anon’s Reflections of Hope, page 121.