I Can Only Change Myself

Recently, my sponsor and I were discussing an invitation I had received to reapply for a professional position. There were several people advocating for me to interview for the job. I had been daydreaming about how I would impress my supporters and how everyone enthusiastically would recognize my unique qualifications.

My sponsor’s response brought me down to earth: “Just do your footwork, trust God, and believe that, no matter what happens, the outcome will be exactly the way it is supposed to be. Nothing will be a loss.”

With that, I realized that I once again was imagining that somehow I could change other people. I thought if I was just “good enough” everything would work out my way. I had fallen back into the same unhealthy thinking pattern that had caused so much unmanageability in my life with the sexaholic.

I took my cue from the Serenity Prayer, asking my Higher Power to help me find the courage to change the things I could. I took contrary action by doing something different from my usual way of doing things: I reapplied for the position, and I kept my feet on the ground by using the tools of the S-Anon program and placing the outcome in my Higher Power’s hands.

Reprinted from S-Anon’s Reflections of Hope, page 179.