A Weight Was Lifted


 November 24, 2016

It was like coming home! Several years before I found S-Anon I was hospitalized for a nervous breakdown. At that time I said to my therapist, “I wish there was a group like Al-Anon for me because I feel completely alone.” But the S-Anon people at that first meeting knew my pain and my despair. The topic of the discussion was “enabling,” and it nearly broke my heart to find out that all my frantic efforts to “help” had actually “helped” my husband stay in addiction. At the same time, a two-ton weight was lifted from my shoulders when I was told this behavior was not my responsibility. Finally I was given the chance to work on myself and it hurts so good!

 

Reprinted from S-Anon’s Newcomer’s Information Booklet.

Out of Despair and Denial


 November 15, 2016

I remember sitting there and having no idea what was happening. I didn’t understand what they meant by “powerlessness” and I didn’t understand how my life was unmanageable. I could hear it in other people’s stories, but I thought I was there to support my husband – he was the one with the problem, not me! The topic of the meeting that night was “Anger” and I remember being appalled and thinking to myself, “This is the angriest bunch of people I ever met in my life!” I didn’t know then that “If you spot it, you got it.” I didn’t know at that point how angry I was inside. I slowly came to realize that I was powerless over a lot of things…finally after about five meetings I was able to start listening. I had to come to the point of despair in order to come out of denial, but it was wonderful that my S-Anon group was there to support me.

 

Reprinted from S-Anon’s Newcomer’s Information Booklet.

Why I am Here


 November 9, 2016

I have shared this before and it hasn’t changed for me. It reminds me on a daily basis why I am “here!” I like to call it my spiritual maintenance.

Tradition Five:  “Each S-Anon Family group has but one purpose:  to help families of sexaholics. We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps of S-Anon, by encouraging and understanding our sexaholic relatives, and by welcoming and giving comfort to families of sexaholics.”

I have to remember that S-Anon has but one purpose (including the on-line group has but one purpose).

If I haven’t got it I can’t give it away.  So I had to work very hard on my own “stuff.” I learned to apply the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions to my life; I came to understand that the Spiritual basis of this Program is universal.

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A Humbling Experience


 October 26, 2016

I hoped I would find some answers on how I could fix my husband. Even though I was suicidal, I really didn’t think that I had that much of a problem. Talk about minimizing! It was a humbling experience for me to realize that my addiction to my husband was just as devastating as my husband’s addiction to lust. I realized that my recovery was really and truly a matter of life and death for me, and that there was no in-between. I never did figure out how to fix my husband, but the longer I keep coming back to S-Anon just for myself, the more joy and serenity I feel.

 

Reprinted from S-Anon’s Newcomer’s Information Booklet.

Perspective: Attitude of Gratitude


 October 18, 2016

I am able to recognize that my perspective in the past was warped. My family of origin had a belief system based in fear: fear of not being good enough, or lovable, and fear of abandonment. I developed attitudes and mindsets that caused me to seek approval and attention. Later on, I developed the belief that sex was an important sign of love. I had no real feelings of gratitude and I wanted others to be appreciative of what I could offer them. I brought all of this into my marriage of over 30 years.

Through my effort to work this S-Anon program, especially my Step work, I have a new awareness and perspective based in recovery, honesty, and open-mindedness. I am willing to look at myself from this new perspective and my attitudes have changed. Focusing on me as this program suggests is the single most important element for my recovery. I cannot stress this enough.

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People Who Understood my Pain


 October 12, 2016

I went to my first meeting immediately after learning that my husband’s string of affairs was an addiction to lust. I was in so much pain from the discovery of the betrayal I was desperate enough to try anything. I also wanted answers about living with a sexaholic, like “What is the percentage of sexaholics who relapse?” and “How would I know if relapse had occurred?” I never did get the percentages I wanted, but I got to know a group of people who understood my pain as no one else could, having been there themselves. I was one of those who could disregard what therapists told me, saying to myself, “They haven’t been betrayed as I have!” But I couldn’t dismiss what I heard in these meetings. In the beginning I cried, meeting after meeting, but I always felt reassured when they told me they had been where I was and understood. It seemed that by sharing the pain with them, it was lessened. I came to learn that I was dependent upon another person for my happiness and for life itself, and that was part of my problem. S-Anon has helped me to gradually gain an independence, self-confidence, and serenity I never thought possible.

 

Reprinted from S-Anon’s Newcomer’s Information Booklet.

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Deny
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