Learning to Let Go

I have been attending S-Anon meetings for a few months, so I’m in the early stages of my recovery. I’m beginning to work on the Steps and starting to let down the walls around me that I had built over the past six years of my marriage. I discovered that when I admitted I was powerless over the disease of sexaholism, it allowed me the freedom to begin to see myself.

I slowly recognized the endless hours I had spent planning and scheming, in hopes of controlling the sexaholic. I had given everything of myself and was bankrupt in my marriage, emotionally and spiritually. I was shocked by this revelation, as I attended church on a regular basis and prayed every day for the craziness to go away. I realize now that I was not willing to surrender and turn my life over to God; I was only willing to give up bits and pieces. I held on tightly to my fear and pain.

Today I am slowly making deposits back into my spiritual bank by placing God first and foremost in my life. When I ask God to help me, I have to ask: “Am I truly surrendering and trusting in my Higher Power?” Today, I know the answer for me has to be “Yes;” otherwise I will try to manipulate and control my life as I once did with the addict.

Reprinted from S-Anon’s Reflections of Hope, page 1.