Acting Lovingly Toward Myself

At times I still have difficulty detaching with love and compassion from the sexaholic’s behavior. When I react to my husband’s behavior, I end up feeling angry at myself and resentful toward my spouse. I have found that I sometimes act out of my own neediness in my marriage. I am doing the exact thing that I want to blame my spouse for – not taking care of myself.

I have heard the wisdom that I don’t have to go to every fight that I am invited to. I often have difficulty remember- ing this bit of wisdom when I want something different to happen, or when I am triggered recalling painful memo- ries from my childhood.

Some of the tools I now use to help me stay focused on the next right thing for me to do include using the slo- gans “How Important Is It?” and “First Things First.” An important action I try to remember to take is doing at least one loving thing for myself today.

If I act lovingly toward myself and am honest about how I am feeling, I find I am much more emotionally available to give to others. This helps me to know when I need to pull back and detach with love and compassion, for myself as well as for the sexaholic.

Reprinted from S-Anon’s Reflections of Hope, page 164.