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I used to get overly involved in the lives of my ex-husband’s family. One sister would call and gossip about another sister, his mother would discuss the marriage of one daughter, or his brother would badmouth their father. Even though I stopped participating in this gossip after a short time in the S-Anon program, it took longer before I actively stopped listening. Although I wasn’t passing it along, I still wanted to hear the gossip, which was the “bad” part – or so I thought.
I gradually came to see that listening to gossip predisposes me to thinking negatively about people who may have done nothing to harm me. I am grateful to S-Anon for showing me how to set boundaries for myself. Recalling the Obstacles to Recovery helped me keep my side of the street clean. For example, I quit asking about my ex-husband’s family members; I just shared about my own life.
Sometimes it meant I had to give up talking to certain people entirely, because I was powerless over them steering our conversations into “gab fests” about someone else’s problems. Staying away from gossip helped simplify my life. I found new topics of conversation.
In order to keep my side of the street clean, I have to set boundaries for myself. This has saved me a lot of grief. I have a lot more peace in my life today.
Reprinted from S-Anon’s Reflections of Hope, page 76.