Making Amends to My Children

As I became willing and able to make amends to my children, God gave me opportunities to do so. I have shared some information about the S-Anon program with a daughter who lives nearby. She knows that her father and I attend program meetings weekly. One day, this daughter, her baby son and I went shopping together. In the course of our conversation she shared that she had been disappointed by my attitude and behavior at her wedding five years previously. “You were not there for me when I got married.” I knew it was true. At that very time, her father was spiraling down into the depths of his sexaholism, and I was heading for my “bottom,” too. I was so focused on my husband’s problem that I could not muster the energy to be excited for my daughter. She went on to say that this had been the biggest day of her life, and I just did not seem to care. Fortunately, I had made enough progress in my
recovery that I was able to hear this without offering explanations or excuses. I understood that part of my amends to her was listening uncritically to her feelings and acknowledging the truth that I had not been emotionally present for her then.

After sharing her hurt and disappointment, she went on to say how much she appreciates my interest in her child. Her father and I had spent the day in the hospital with them when the baby was born. When he was two months old, I took care of him for a few days while they painted their new home. She told me I am a terrific grandmother and that she could see that attending S-Anon meetings has changed me. She sees a new, softer-hearted, loving woman with whom she trusts her child. The Ninth Step has allowed this daughter and me to grow closer.

Reprinted from S-Anon Twelve Steps, page 101.