In the Care of My Higher Power

I was molested in early adolescence by my grandfather. After I became aware of my husband’s sexaholism and began attending S-Anon, I saw that my molestation secret needed to be shared. As I went to the meetings and called my sponsor and others, I learned to share this secret and other emotional struggles. Through this process, I found I could release some of the hurt, and I experienced healing. I eventually came to see the molestation as a part of my history. I no longer had great pain, bitterness or anger about it. Clearly, the family disease of sexaholism influenced my life, and I could use my S-Anon program to help me work on issues as they arose.

I went to meetings and listened and talked to others. I worked on willingness, and I surrendered various issues to my Higher Power, including when to share with my family about the molestation. I asked for guidance. This went on for several years. When I traveled the long distance to visit my family, I would say to myself, “This is the time to share” — but it didn’t come about. So I would go back to surrendering my will. Finally, I became open to the possibility that it might not be the will of my Higher Power for this information to be revealed to my family.

Then my younger sister attempted suicide, and it was disclosed that she had been sexually abused. My Higher Power seemed to give me the “green light,” and I trusted an intuition that the time was right. I made a phone call to my mom and told her I’d been sexually abused, too. She expressed great anguish, and I recognized a need for some professional help to assist our family. It was at this time that I believe my Higher Power really took care of me, guided my life and showed me that He had a broad perspective of the situation and I a narrow one. My original plan had been to tell only my parents, but now through the family therapy sessions, I would tell my two sisters and brother, too. I had thought that sharing my secret was about me and my desire for real honesty and intimacy with my family. I now began to see my Higher Power wanted those things and open communication for all members of the family. Today I’m grateful that I can trust that I will always be in the care of my Higher Power whose perspective is so much wider than my own, and that with each decision I face, I can choose His will for my life with confidence.

Reprinted from S-Anon Twelve Steps, page 32-33.