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I had been struggling with Step Three, so my sponsor suggested that I read Step Three stories in our Conference-Approved Literature (CAL). Over and over I read how turning our will over to the care of a Higher Power can be such a benefit. I was especially interested in how difficult this could be, since I tend to “bombard” my problems with willpower, trying to fix the messes in which I have often found myself.
“Bombarding” described what I was doing in all aspects of my life. I would attack people, places, and situations that did not agree with my agenda. Based on the belief system that was modeled for me while growing up, I was under the illusion that this was the responsible way to live. I constantly felt uncomfortable with how my life was going, however, and I became “full of myself,” denying that God could handle the situation.
Working the S-Anon program shines a spotlight on who I am, and how I operate in this world. I am learning that it is necessary to crack open the mold in which I thought I had to live, and then to restructure my beliefs. Humility, honesty, and acknowledging the truth – these are the things that have helped me to stop “bombarding” situations with my self-will and to deflate being “full of myself.” As a result of working Step Three, my Higher Power is now in charge. I still do the footwork, but I am only God’s assistant now, not God’s supervisor.
Reprinted from S-Anon’s Reflections of Hope, page 270.