I Am Not Alone In the Dark

What it means to be “worth it”. For me it is about finding the sweet and special place of my recovery that teaches me self-love and acceptance. It means that I progressively overcome the bondage of self-assassination and unrelenting standards. It means I no longer talk to myself the way my mother did (abusively). It means that I no longer view myself as someone who is unlovable and unworthy. It means that I see myself as one of my Creator’s creatures — ever so divine in my design. It means that I allow myself the humility touched on in the Seventh Step — a humility that I’ve learned looks like not having to be perfect to be loved — especially because I am incapable of it by design. I have discovered internal acceptance. I have detached from my own critic.

This slogan, as simple and yet demanding as it sounded to me initially, has saved my inner life. I’m so grateful, today, for the hand holding at the end of the meeting. I’m grateful to be touched and held in a loving and healthy way. I’m grateful that I was sick enough to finally listen. And I’m grateful that the sexaholic gained me access to a room that delivered me to a Higher Power that could love and support me, without conditions in a healthy way. I have learned to find the wisdom in the slogans. I no longer dismiss any of them as cliché. Thank you, S-Anon.

Reprinted from the Winter 2009 issue of The S-Anews©.