My faith was an important part of my life long before I came to the S-Anon program. It gave me strength and encouragement when I divorced and became a single parent, began to work full-time, and tried to juggle a busy schedule with two toddlers. I leaned on my Higher Power because that was all I could do. Fortunately, that was enough; I did not need to do anything more for God’s help. During this time I was gifted with the knowledge of things I needed to change about myself and the ability to do so. One awareness was that I had been in a number of relationships with sexaholics. This insight led me to S-Anon.
After about five years of working the S-Anon program, I began to experience a stagnation and a sense of unrest regarding my Higher Power. I felt that my difficulty was due to the fact that I could not “see” God. For me, it was like trying to relate to a cloud. One morning during my regular meditation in which I visualize coming into God’s presence, it came to me that I had a relationship with God, so all I had to do was practice my part. It made sense that if I brought the same attitudes, actions, and behavior that S-Anon had helped me learn to apply in my other relationships into the relationship with my Higher Power, this relationship would be enriched as well.
I began to practice the qualities of a good relationship, such as honesty, devoting my time, and open-mindedness. When I made a conscious connection with God in the morning or in the evening, I began to feel that I was spending time with my very best friend, and it was a sweet experience for me. An added bonus was the growing knowledge that God wanted an intimate relationship with me, too. More and more I felt that I was being drawn into a deep kinship with my Higher Power.
In all my relationships, whether with people or with my Higher Power, I experience varying degrees of success. However, when my day begins and ends with focusing on my most important relationship — the one with God — the other areas of my life are much saner. I still experience normal ups and downs as well as some major curves, particularly when it comes to discerning God’s will for me versus my own. As I continue to work Step Eleven, my growing relationship with my Higher Power invites me to practice tolerance, love and acceptance of myself, just as I am learning to exercise those qualities with others on their journeys. As my Higher Power strengthens my serenity, I am enabled to meet life’s challenges and encouraged to grow into the person God created me to be.
Reprinted from S-Anon Twelve Steps, page 2.