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After working the S-Anon program for some time, I realized my fear of abandonment had influenced my attitudes and actions my entire life. My father died when I was very young. This was clearly the root of why I continued to expect to be abandoned in relationships. All the changes, challenges, and wounds after my father’s death reinforced my fear that I wasn’t good enough.
This affected my life in a number of ways. The men I chose for serious relationships turned out to be either incapable of commitment or emotionally unavailable. It was as though I unconsciously set myself up for repeated abandonment. Another example was my faith. While I believed that God loved me and would always be with me, there was a disconnection between what my head knew and what my heart felt. It wasn’t until I had the very down-to-earth, practical experience of working this program that I came fully to trust God – for the past, the present, and the future.
Working the S-Anon program has taught me a new lesson: I will never be abandoned by God – the one who loves me the most and considers me definitely good enough.
Reprinted from S-Anon’s Reflections of Hope, page 170.