I have shared this before and it hasn’t changed for me. It reminds me on a daily basis why I am “here!” I like to call it my spiritual maintenance.
Tradition Five: “Each S-Anon Family group has but one purpose: to help families of sexaholics. We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps of S-Anon, by encouraging and understanding our sexaholic relatives, and by welcoming and giving comfort to families of sexaholics.”
I have to remember that S-Anon has but one purpose (including the on-line group has but one purpose).
If I haven’t got it I can’t give it away. So I had to work very hard on my own “stuff.” I learned to apply the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions to my life; I came to understand that the Spiritual basis of this Program is universal.
I have had the privilege to sit in meetings the world over (different Twelve Step programs) and although I could not always speak the language, the Spiritual energy was always there; the people in it, always “loving” and “accepting.”
I need to always remember that the newcomer is important; I can remind myself where I came from, and be willing to share what I have learned, or just share how I feel. And I can be willing to just listen, as it is such a relief to be able to talk freely to others, who understand. Many of us have came from family systems where we had no “voice” and took this with us into our adult relationships, and still felt we had no “voice” or were not “heard!”
To remember that: “Whom you see here, What you hear here, When you leave here, Let it stay here.”
In that way we can learn to safely say what is in our hearts and minds, and find comfort.
I need to accept sexaholism/lust addiction as a disease: I can’t change this disease, I can’t control it, and I can’t cure it, and as for understanding it—well I just can’t, and won’t even try.
Today sexaholism drives me back into MY addictive process of obsessing, which will take me into fear, feeling frustrated, unmanageability, so my “disease” then demands I fix something to make me feel better. This is control, which really is an illusion of control. So I’ve learned that I have enough to worry about and cannot possibly “fix” another’s addictive process. That, I need to hand “it” over to my H/P, have the courage the confront issues in my life, and hand over the outcome of that to my H/P.
So as Tradition Five teaches me to show concern for others who live with this addiction, just like me. This gives me freedom (most of the time) from bitterness, defeat, resentments, anger, and frustration, and overwhelming thoughts.
Having more compassion helps me in my own Spiritual growth and serenity; and no, I don’t feel like this every day, but keep working on it, as it’s the only way. And it’s getting better.
We cannot make sexaholics/lust-aholics sober, but we can help each other to retain some sanity and an ability to function.
Reprinted from the Summer 2012 issue of S-Anews©.