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The tool I use the most often is my Higher Power. I started out in S-Anon and continued for quite some time to call upon God’s guidance and comfort only in the most painful of times. I now feel like I have a need for God All of the Time. This is not because my life is continuously painful, but because I become more complete and whole as a person in the company of my Higher Power. I seem to have more patience and energy for my children, more compassion for my husband, less resentment towards relatives and I’m more able to accept myself as a worthy person who deserves to be loved and has enough love to give back.
I see my husband’s disease as a spiritual battle, just as I see my own battle as being a spiritual one. My greatest lesson at this time is that it’s OK for me to hate the disease of sexaholism, to acknowledge that my feelings of anger and hurt are appropriate and that my Higher Power understands and accepts those feelings. It’s at this point that I make a spiritual decision. For me, if I have kept my relationship with my Higher Power cultivated, it is easier for me to stay on the spiritual path that God has intended for me to go on. I have to move forward with my life even in the midst of dealing with the trials that sexaholism brings into my family. I hope to stay on a spiritual path so that I am made more whole. I’m becoming who I was always meant to be.
Reprinted from the 1990 issue of S-Anews©.