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Sample Stories From the Summer 2009 Issue of The S-Anews©
Recovery, MY Recovery
When I first went to an S-Ateen meeting, I thought I'd go once and
never go again. But after just one meeting, I was hooked; in a good way
of course. Everyone I met there was burdened with their pasts and
mistakes, yet there was such hope and cheer in everyone that I thought,
"I might have a not-so-nice past, but that doesn't need to dictate my
future." You could tell that each person had a story to tell, and
struggles to withstand, but also infinite wonders and joys still ahead
of them.
Going to S-Ateen makes me feel like I have support, comfort and courage
to continue the path to recovery. (And I've only gone to two meetings so
far!!) Already I can see the progress that is pushing my mom, my sister
and me forward. I don't know what lies ahead, but I feel sure that I can
handle it and remain on an optimistic track. It won't always be easy, but
I can persevere.
A week or so ago, I journaled something that really helped me. It
perfectly described my ups and downs and helped me to be focused and
cheerful. It gives me hope and somehow makes me truly realize that I have
choices in life. I hope it will help anyone who reads it.
“Sometimes, when you’re sitting there musing or walking around
completing an errand, you'll suddenly sigh, a very heavy and emotional
sigh. Then fear, sadness, regret, anxiety and hopelessness--these are the
feelings that mangle your mind and entice you to their darkness.
But just as quickly as this assault descends on you, a faint light
presses through the dark, gently letting a ray hold itself out to you,
telling you existence doesn't have to be this way. Then and there, in that
space of ten seconds, you know this is one of the many moments of truth
that you will face. You, on your own, need to make a decision.
What every individual in this life needs to decide is, is that faint
light great enough to believe in and pursue?
Well, I've decided. And I'm not going back to what I once was. (It
wasn't pretty.) And I am sure that many have, and are going to, choose as
I did.”
Step Twelve
I say that if my life before the program was
the B.S. era (the Before S-Anon era), my life now might be
referred to as the S.O.S. era – the Serenity of S-Anon. I’m at
a point in my program where it could be easy for me to coast.
I completed my Step work with my sponsor. I took my own
sponsee through her Step work, and now I’ve got “grand-sponsees.”
When I moved to a place with no meetings, I made an effort to
keep connected by working the Traditions with my sponsor and
another S-Anon member. I’m past the urgency that I felt in the
early days, but I’m afraid of what my complacency might cost
me.
Not long ago, I began to realize another
aspect of Step 12 – the part about “trying to carry the message.” So,
after months of false starts and being turned down for a location, I
finally opened the doors to my area’s first S-Anon meeting. It’s been a
meeting of “one” since it started, but I have been reminded that there are
really two of us there – my Higher Power and I. Despite that, I have felt
frustrated with the lack of attendance, taking it as a personal failure.
And lately I really don’t want to go. My kids are playing ball now, and I
have to miss the beginnings of their games. But the possibility of missing
a newcomer, of not being there to welcome and give comfort to the family
member of a sexaholic, ensures that I go.
Recently, I was thrilled to receive my first
S-Anon call from the number I had posted on the WSO Web site. I’m not sure
that being thrilled by someone else’s agony over sexaholism is
appropriate, but I really was excited to get that call. Although this
person has not been able to attend a meeting, we have spoken on a regular
basis on the phone and I am slowly introducing her to the S-Anon program.
Once again, the 12 Steps of S-Anon –
particularly Step 12 – have taken on a new meaning for me. I’m getting
back, while I’m giving. And technically, still no one has come to the new
meetings here. But I have had to get REALLY busy so I can get better
because the sexaholic in my life has had a relapse.
S-Anews Archives for 2009
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